This past year has been nothing short of a twisty, sometimes scary, a bit overwhelming super-sized roller coaster.
Exactly one year ago I had my bank accounts closed, my bags packed and ticket purchased to move abroad with my best friend to spend a year working, backpacking and partying in South America. About a week before we were supposed to leave, she canceled via a phone call that ultimately destroyed our friendship and took me an incredibly long time to heal from.
But then a little miracle happened. I found an inner strength in me that I never knew existed. Because even though break-ups suck, breaking up with a friend can sometimes be even more traumatic. And devastating. But then I realized how much stronger I was for it and I learned to forgive and move on. And then, somehow, amazing things happened.
With bank accounts already closed and bags already packed, I decided to apply to get my Israeli citizenship and move over there. Somehow while waiting for my passport and citizenship card (which to this day I am still waiting for due to the Army being stubborn) I met the most amazing man and I fell incredibly, madly and deeply in love. Within weeks of dating, I just had a feeling in my gut and I knew.
But that meant I had to make a decision: stay and see where this relationship would go or follow 'my plan' and my dream to move to Israel.
A lot of factors influenced my decision. I was still reeling from the hurt I had experienced from my friend backing out of our original plan and was scared to take another risk on someone else. I was scared to give myself to them, only to have them decide they don't want me. From my friend, I had realized a really harsh truth: people are selfish and they will do whatever serves them best. Which isn't necessarily bad, but so far out of my realm of thinking.
Luckily the man I fell in love with is also unselfish and told me to follow wherever my heart decided; he would understand.
It was agonizing trying to make that decision. Weeks of late nights and pro & con sheets tormented me. But I always came back to the same decision: I don't want to look back on my life and know that one person ruined any trust relationships I would have in my life.
I went with my heart.
And you know what? I haven't regretted it for a second.
True, sometimes when we fight I wonder "What would have happened had I left? Would I have been happier?" And it is such a fleeting thought because it is so absurd. Because even when we fight and I slam doors, I still love that man with everything I have.
So exactly one year ago today I was recovering from a broken heart. That girl, jaded at the world and feeling so betrayed every night in her bed alone, is so different from the girl today.
Life is still hard. There are still bills to pay, loneliness to combat and dreams to realize I am in a better place than I ever could have imagined. And even though the ups and downs of life can be intense, it still is a rollercoaster I intend on riding til the very end.
