This past year has been nothing short of a twisty, sometimes scary, a bit overwhelming super-sized roller coaster. 

Exactly one year ago I had my bank accounts closed, my bags packed and ticket purchased to move abroad with my best friend to spend a year working, backpacking and partying in South America. About a week before we were supposed to leave, she canceled via a phone call that ultimately destroyed our friendship and took me an incredibly long time to heal from.

But then a little miracle happened. I found an inner strength in me that I never knew existed. Because even though break-ups suck, breaking up with a friend can sometimes be even more traumatic. And devastating. But then I realized how much stronger I was for it and I learned to forgive and move on. And then, somehow, amazing things happened. 

With bank accounts already closed and bags already packed, I decided to apply to get my Israeli citizenship and move over there. Somehow while waiting for my passport and citizenship card (which to this day I am still waiting for due to the Army being stubborn) I met the most amazing man and I fell incredibly, madly and deeply in love. Within weeks of dating, I just had a feeling in my gut and I knew. 

But that meant I had to make a decision: stay and see where this relationship would go or follow 'my plan' and my dream to move to Israel. 

A lot of factors influenced my decision. I was still reeling from the hurt I had experienced from my friend backing out of our original plan and was scared to take another risk on someone else. I was scared to give myself to them, only to have them decide they don't want me. From my friend, I had realized a really harsh truth: people are selfish and they will do whatever serves them best. Which isn't necessarily bad, but so far out of my realm of thinking. 

Luckily the man I fell in love with is also unselfish and told me to follow wherever my heart decided; he would understand. 

It was agonizing trying to make that decision. Weeks of late nights and pro & con sheets tormented me. But I always came back to the same decision: I don't want to look back on my life and know that one person ruined any trust relationships I would have in my life. 

I went with my heart. 

And you know what? I haven't regretted it for a second. 

True, sometimes when we fight I wonder "What would have happened had I left? Would I have been happier?" And it is such a fleeting thought because it is so absurd. Because even when we fight and I slam doors, I still love that man with everything I have. 

So exactly one year ago today I was recovering from a broken heart. That girl, jaded at the world and feeling so betrayed every night in her bed alone, is so different from the girl today. 

Life is still hard. There are still bills to pay, loneliness to combat and dreams to realize I am in a better place than I ever could have imagined. And even though the ups and downs of life can be intense, it still is a rollercoaster I intend on riding til the very end. 

I have been unemployed for officially 1 month. While in writing, it does not sound so treacherously long, some days it feels like a lifetime. I left my job with three interviews lined up- all very promising options- and the hope that I would be in a job within 2 weeks. And then reality set in. And, though I was offered a job, I knew that it was not a match and I would have been miserable. I now know that I cannot have a simple '9 to 5' where I clock in and clock out. At some point I know I will find that job where I feel passionate or I will just accept the next best thing out of desperation. When that breakthrough happens, however, I do not yet know. I have begun to adjust well to my new life of unemployment. I also like how it nicely coincided with the summer months. It also coincided quite neatly with my move into my new apartment with the boyfriend. Living together for the first time with a boyfriend is a new experience. I have never lived with a significant other before and I am pretty confident this will be my last time. You really do get to learn a lot about your partner- the good, bad and the ugly. But it is important to learn all that fun, dirty stuff too and it brings you closer. I can see how living together can totally destroy couples, though. So, while I am in a sort of limbo in life now I cannot deny I am incredibly happy and feel so blessed. I know that where I am is 100% the exact opposite of where I thought I would currently be in my life, but I also feel like in a way I skipped 30 steps ahead and found the true love of my life (super sappy, I know). I honestly imagined getting married in my mid-30's after having achieved some kick-ass career goals and traveling the world. And I know that whenever you make plans, God just laughs in your face but I think I am still pretty happy with how this version of life is playing out...